Dear Boozie,
I'm a former Green Beret Captain who lost most of my squad in a VC ambush at Da Nang in '69. To this day I have horrible nightmares. The only way I can sleep is if I knock back about eight to ten drinks every night. My wife seems to think this is a problem. What do you think?

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in Du Moines

Dear Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder,
For starters I think you need to ask this question -- Does your wife have any idea what you're going through? I friggin' doubt it. I'm guessing it's safe to assume she's never been knee-deep in her best friend's intestines as Charlie hammers her position with heavy artillery. Thought so! She probably thinks therapy and a healthy support network are the answer. What a load. You'll find all the support you need at the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels. In my professional opinion if the nightmares continue, try drinking even more. Tell your wife to lighten up, its not like you're a pipehead.

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Dear Boozie,
I'm a copy editor at a mid-size publishing house where my co-workers consider me shy and reserved. Last night that all changed. At a party to celebrate the retirement of one of the senior editors I got drunk. I mean real drunk. My last memory is of a conversation with my boss in which I confided that I thought his daughter had a super nice ass. The next thing I know I wake up in a massage parlour where a muscular Korean man explains that I owe his grandmother two hundred bucks. I can deal with the money, but how do I show my face at work?

Office Party Blackout in Ottawa

Dear Office Party Blackout,
You made an ass of yourself - so what - you were probably the life of the party. You may have pissed off a couple of people but that always happens at office parties. The main thing is you can't let on that you had a blackout. You march into work with your head held high and when people tell you stories you nod and say something like "yeah, that was pretty crazy, but you should have seen me in college." It works like a charm. As for the comments about the boss' daughter, just tell him that the guy he hates in payroll put you up to it.