SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN GOES HOLLYWOOD
Hollywood, CA - Buzz on the studio backlots suggests The Six Million Dollar Man will be the next classic television series to hit the silver screen. Following in the footsteps of Starsky and Hutch, the new project, being developed by Universal, looks like a lock to go into production shortly with an eye towards a lucrative 2005 Memorial Day release.

As with hit adaptations The Fugitive and The Wild, Wild West, the new film will be updated to ensure the interest of the crucial 13-24 demographic. First on the producer's to-do list is a name change to address the concerns of today's business savvy audience.

Considering six million dollars in 2004 would barely buy a bionic pinkie it is thought to be a foregone conclusion that producers will factor in both inflation and higher interest rates when naming the new picture. Nick Kindler an economics fellow at the prestigious Harvard School of Business estimates a One-Hundred and Fifteen Million Dollar Man would be more accurate.

Golden boys Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are said to have shown interest in the project, although a conflict may arise as rumours persist that both actors have passed on the title role and are instead vying for the coveted part of Oscar Goldman.

MUST SEE TV FACE-OFF BLAMED FOR ANOTHER ROOMMATE BATTLE
Little Rock, AK - The tense 10:00 PM ET Thursday night showdown between CBS' Without a Trace and NBC's ER has led to yet another raucous argument between roommates. This time at the apartment of Dairy Queen co-workers Maria Herman and Tash Trotter.

Other than the odd phone bill skirmish the two had lived together without incident for two years. However, the much ballyhooed television face off has changed everything.

The trouble began when Herman, rushing home to check out Without a Trace heartthrob Anthony LaPaglia, found Trotter curled up on the couch waiting for ER to begin.

"You've got to be kidding me" yelled Herman who then lunged for the television remote. "I don't think so bitch," replied Trotter, who witnesses say then dropped the remote into her loosely-fitting blouse.

An animated argument ensued, followed by a semi-erotic cat fight. The result - a black eye for Herman, a swollen lip for Trotter and a friendship in severe jeopardy.

As the high stakes network battle continues, the friendship casualties mount. The American Psychiatric Association has responded by requesting the producers of both shows call off the head-to-head match-up before irreparable damage is done to the nation's fragile emotional balance.

As for Herman and Trotter, friends have purchased them a second television with the hope of sparking a reconciliation.

'2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY' TO UPDATE TITLE
Hollywood, CA - Looking to keep the Stanley Kubrick classic film 2001: A Space Odyssey relevant, MGM is reportedly poised to re-release the film with the hip updated title 2025:Tru Dat. A spokesman for the estate of Stanley Kubrick reports the late director and notorious control freak is turning over in his grave.

Bill Hicks, a studio executive familiar with the re-release, agrees the year 2025 is not as "sexy" as 2001, but argues the change is a sound business move that gives MGM a twenty-year window to continue cashing in on the cult film.

The studio is trying to avoid the financial pitfall that occurs when an audience deems a film dated. Hicks cited the debacle in the years following the release of the film adaptation of George Orwell's classic novel 1984.

"By 1985, the movie 1984 was yesterday's news. Rentals dropped off the radar screen, we don't intend to make the same mistake because what defines us as Americans, as patriots, is our ability to always be looking to tomorrow."

Although few details are being made public, the team working on the re-release wants the fans of the film to know the integrity of Kubrick's vision is paramount to them.

However, proposed changes to the soundtrack, which teen focus groups found to be, "a bit creepy," are expected. Justin Timberlake and Hoobastank have made verbal commitments to provide additional songs for the new soundtrack.

As well, studio executives are spitballing the idea of adding a computer generated love interest for HAL. Industrial Light and Magic are currently shooting tests of the new character to be voiced by Angela Lansbury.

The re-release is tentatively scheduled for Christmas 2005.